February 1, 1996
Whatever you are fighting now with conscious knowledge, there will come a day when you realize that it has become experience, and then the war will have been won for good and all. It should be enough for you that you understand it and fight it for now, and be sure that the time will come at last when you find out that this issue is no longer open. Then, you won't need to try any more, because you will have changed and everything will happen automatically and conclusively, with no margin for return. Until then, have patience, do not predetermine the necessity for repetitions of the particular exercise, but wait for the day when the problem disappears once and for all.
Astrology does not concern you anymore, because it is coloured, each time, by the personal aura of those who practice it. Don't be influenced and don't fall into autosuggestion. You can only create your future as a result of your deeds. Trust your self, don't ask to do what you cannot. Do not ask others though to do whatever they cannot. First you yourself put into practice what you expect them to do to you and only then will you see it expressed in your life.
It's now time you trusted. The time of this unutilized - with the conventional meaning - period, was given to you because you must now work a great deal with yourself, exactly the way you are doing.
Discussions (he means with friends) are not aimless, the exchange of energies is a valuable helper in this effort of yours to agitate the subconscious and with the sorting out. Work substantially on this and external work will come soon.
You don't need guidance, decisions must be taken on your own responsibility, following assessment whose keys you now have in order to conduct it. Attention! When the space is dominated by dark energy, this also permeates your own area. The involvement with inferior energies demands double vigilance, constant and uninterrupted connection with the Cosmic Source and strengthening, which perhaps you do not possess at the particular moment.
Feeling incapable means that you underestimate the plan of God and his creations. Contempt is not humbleness, it is selfishness and coalition with the deed of the devil, which is to destroy and crush the orders of the Light. No man possesses such an authority as to make you underestimate yourself in comparison with him. Your value is unique and you ought to find the measure between considering your self hyper-worthy but on the other hand hyper-unworthy. Think of the balance and remain there. You constantly sway between the two extremes, and apart from the fact that this creates all the turmoil in your life, it makes you waste time and energy.
Naturally, the same goes for the sub-ject man who takes the complementary position to your self, and when you overestimate yourself he becomes under-estimated, while when you underestimate yourself he becomes over-estimated and admirable.
Find the balance and you will find peace. Continue exactly what you are doing with patience and vigilance. Use all the means you have at your disposal (readings, books, thinking, friends) in order to face these crises mechanistically, until knowledge is instilled within you and you adopt it completely. This needs time and sufficient repetitions, therefore you should not deny the trials that will free you even sooner.
Don't ask your self to cope without help, because this means on the one hand self-underestimation and on the other selfishness. Think of the balance, organize defenses, practice. Use the mind, gather experiences. Do not forget that your destination has as its aim the achievement of the practicing of Art. Therefore, accept that your character has been formed in such a way that this is feasible. Don't deny your own particularity and that is your sensitivity, your touchiness and your deep flowing emotions, because through these characteristics you will be capable of serving the art you love so much. Go on beloved, blessed is your way.