November 13, 1995
Don't be a spoiled child. I am here to neither judge you nor scold you, but to help you. We have all gone through similar weaknesses, and know to recognize how difficult all this is for you. Strictness does not derive from superiority, but from love and prompting for the better. Don't doubt that whatever has been revealed to you, is true and eternal. Do not expect from your self, though, to embrace this knowledge so soon and painlessly. Allow it to make mistakes, approach it with love, like an ignorant child, and do not punish it with illness.
Illness is the penalty, the punishment you yourself impose on your self, because you fear that it does not correspond properly to what you know. Accept this as natural, because it isn't possible to proceed that quickly. You are afraid that you aren't capable, that you are not worthy of it, but think that if this was the case, the universe wouldn't have spoken to you as it does now. Accept love silently and noiselessly, it is just as difficult as giving it yourself. Don't think of repayment for what you receive, because then you can't welcome it as it should be welcomed. Let it be accepted, show patience and a way will be found to repay it one day. Don't feel pressured into reacting correspondingly positively, and deservedly towards what you have received.
Try to loosen up. You demand from your self to do more than it can and more than what depends on it. Your voice fell ill because the burden you had imposed on it, exceeded its power. You asked too much of it with the result of "burning" it. Your voice is not something different from you, it is you your very self, so this is happening with your whole self, and it is wrong.
God is tolerant towards you, he knows how far you can get at this moment, and no one is asking you for more, therefore do not become anxious trying to outdo yourself. It's enough that willpower exists, this is assessed and from there on time is compatible.
You do not need a doctor, therefore you do not need to spend money on one. You need tranquility and love, lean upon the people around you, and seek the light. You are not unfaithful, do not worry about that. It is simply that the earthly shell you have to penetrate is hard and resistant, and it is only natural that it seems difficult for you to achieve it, because it is.
Don't be afraid of the retrogressions to "evil". It is so deeply rooted in the human soul that it is a utopia to believe that in this life you will get rid of it. Don't forget that even I struggled with Temptation three times. The power of Evil is great, believe that you'll be defeated time and time again only to rise once more, fight harder, and in the end be announced victor of the Light. Remember that old dream. Fight in my name and in the name of God, and believe that God never forgets you and never abandons you!
Last night I indeed came in your sleep, because I know that your faith is great, just like your courage, and I want to help you.
Stay on the way of God. Be patient, do not forsake your self even when it is very sick; then it needs you the most. Don't try to go beyond the limits of the earthly instant, because this is not possible The moment of definite victory will come by itself effortlessly, when the fullness of time decides it. Don't judge yourself strictly for your mistakes, love them, they are just as wonderful as your victories.
Travel along with time and everything it brings with it. Trust God and your powers. Your faith has saved you.